Richard Hawley

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 10:48 am 
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Flange cheese munching cockend
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Well have you? :?

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 10:55 am 
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Hawleytastic!
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Er ... not since I was in nappies .... thankfully ....

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 10:59 am 
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Hawleytastic!

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No - have you? :shock:

Julian Clary has though - when he met the Queen apparently. One of the priceless little gems that came out of QI on Dave (the channel!) last night!!


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 11:41 am 
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Hawleytastic!
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Does following though count? :D Image

This thread is going downhill quickly


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 12:36 pm 
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Hawley Super-Groupie

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Location: Matlock, Derbyshire
Blimey....there are some strange topics on this Forum :)

I have been pretty desperate at times but always managed to contain myself (apart from when I was in nappies). Must admit to having a couple of close shaves though. When I left school, I got a job landscape gardening. I was working at a big posh house with a large garden and found myself busting. I spotted a large compost heap at the bottom of the garden and made like a cat. Got a bollocking from the Boss a couple of days later as I had been seen by the customers daughter who grassed (no pun intended) me up...

Cheers, Steve.


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 12:50 pm 
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Hawley Super-Groupie
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the old, walk slowly for more contol but longer to the lavatory vs leg it and hope you get there in time debate eh?


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 1:26 pm 
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Hawleytastic!
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This is hilarious :*: and yes, I have ha ha!!!!!!!! Just now actually, better go............................. :*: :*: :*: :*:


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 1:45 pm 
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Original Hippy
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A band I was in some years ago had a singer who was notoriously late all of the time, to the point of rudeness. One night he somehow made it to rehearsals before anybody else. Instead of hanging around to wait for the rest of us, he decided he would stick his car through the car wash.

Halfway through the cycle what he thought was a fart wasn't. And he was a bit stuck.

In those circumstances your choices are:

1. Wait until the car wash has finished, drive home, lock the door, get showered & changed, bin your kecks and never tell a living soul what has just happened.

2. Turn up at the studio.

He chose Option 2!!!! :shock: :shock: :shock:

You could smell it as soon as he came through the door, it was truly horrendous. He muttered something about having had an accident & went straight to the toilets, only to emerge 5 minutes later to tell us what had happened, and that it was too bad to clean up, he was going to have to go home & sort himself out properly.

He arrived back at the studio about an hour later, by which time we had learned to play Car Wash. He was disgruntled at the lack of sympathy from his wife. She had laughed at him & asked why he hadn't stuck his arse out of the car window whilst he was in the car wash.

There is definitely a moral to this story, apart from never farting in a car wash.

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 2:51 pm 
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Hawleytastic!
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Crackin' :*: :*: :*:


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 2:56 pm 
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Hawleytastic!
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I'm just about to have my dinner but that is very, very funny!!! :*: :*:


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 4:41 pm 
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Flange cheese munching cockend
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Twice.

Once was an accident while ill in bed and the other was an unfortunate incident when I was about 13 involving a gang of skinheads and dr martin boots making contact with my head. :?

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 7:28 pm 
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Hawleytastic!
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well... years ago i was on the A75 driving to Stranraer when an attack of the "squiddly diddlys" came on. I had to pull over and climb into the back of the van and all i'll say is thank god for cardboard boxes and bubblewrap.


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 9:05 pm 
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Gimmie 6 !
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well this is often a subject that comes up on a drunken night, to be honest i trust no one who hasn't.

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 9:15 pm 
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Gimmie 6 !
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anyway a couple o year back some of you may remember i did my knee in playing football and was on crutches for a while, this also fell at the same time as my 29th. The night before my birthday was a saturday so we all went out for many ales, got onto the subject and turned out i was the only one who hadn't................... you can see where this is going......

next day i was feeling a little worse for wear but a few friends were over from manchester so we went down the road for hair of the dog. The lads were then off to the broadfield so i went home and stuck the young un in bed and then went to meet them, i got about 100M from home when i got that your ill and you internal organs are about to fail on you feeling.

Anyway i decided to go as fast as i possiblily could on my crutches which was almost making my knee snap and try to make it to the broady....... after a further 100M or so i then felt the need to take a piss so on getting to the bit of waste land i needed to cross decided to have a wazz against a wall....... finished off, felt better carried on towards the broady when it suddenly dawned on me i no longer needed a shit............ oh dear, didn't even realise............... so i went home, binned me gear, showered, back to the pub.

At least i didn't pretend it was a mate.

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 9:39 pm 
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Geordie Admin Dominatrix
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I've never done it, quite the opposite - i can't even go in anybody else's toilet but my own.

It's brilliant when I've been on holiday for a couple of weeks, I get home and i'm impacted with shite.


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