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 Post subject: Mixed feelings
PostPosted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 10:30 am 
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Hawleytastic!

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My 11 year old goes on his first residential school trip on Monday. Have spent the last week gathering together the things that he needs – waterproof trousers, shorts, stuff to stop him stinking. Wednesday, a random girl comes to call, on the pretext of wanting to know what book he is bringing with him, only to ask if she can sit next to him on the coach!
Then went to a meeting yesterday about arrangements with the big one and my little one, who's six. The teacher does the presentation and asks if anyone has any questions and the little one taps me on the shoulder and says: "Mum, can I ask her if he HAS to go." We get out of the room and he bursts into tears, saying how he'll be lonely without him.
So it's mixed feelings central here, happy for my big one that he's growing up, sad for my little one that he'll miss his big mate and sorry for myself cos it only seems like yesterday when I had them. Am I a bit pathetic? x


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 12:26 pm 
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No.

Now make sure you give him a long list of presents that are acceptable to both yourself and the little one for him to return with.

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 3:07 pm 
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Our little fella was only about 7 when my brother (22 at the time) emigrated to Canada, he was upset but after a few weeks he didn't care. He was upset when I moved out of the family home too for a bit. You can't keep kids in bubble wrap forever. In a few weeks he won't even remember it.

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 3:24 pm 
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true but it doesn't stop you feeling shite about the changes,my boys are changing so fast it does my head in sometimes i do cherish the times when they are needy and listen to you.One is having drum and piano lessons the other is learning guitar and are talking about forming a band........mental......i am glad though.....it reminds me to learn to know how important NOW is and what that really means.......yesterdays gone and tomorrow is a myth

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 3:48 pm 
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Hawleytastic!

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Richard Hawley wrote:
true but it doesn't stop you feeling shite about the changes,my boys are changing so fast it does my head in sometimes i do cherish the times when they are needy and listen to you. it reminds me to learn to know how important NOW is and what that really means.......yesterdays gone and tomorrow is a myth


Wise words Grasshopper. You can't stop the whole march of time, that's true. But, I can only speak for myself, for me it is the best thing, being needed and loved by your kids. And whilst I know my big one does love me, he needs me less, and while that is part of life's journey, it isn't always easy to accept. Makes you appreciate how your parents feel about you. As for yesterday being gone and tomorrow being a myth, that's pushed me right over the fucking edge that has. I'm going to spend the afternoon comfort eating minty Viscounts and cola cubes... x

PS Poppydog, he can't even get me a present that I can sentimentally hold on to til I'm wearing nappies myself because they only let them take £2 a day. And he's too massively mingey to spend any of it on me...


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 5:37 pm 
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I have loved absolutely every stage with my two, but I think I'm a bit unique as i have never wanted to hang on to any of those stages - I've been quite happy to watch them grow up and out of each 'phase 'with no hankering for anything.

It might have something to do with there only being two years between them and their dad not being round much when they were little - I pretty much brought them up myself and it was hard.

I've made the very most of every stage but I'm happy now they're both on their own two feet and they need me less, or in a different way.

I hope this doesn't come over as me having any lack of love for them, absolutely not the case, I love them with a ferocity, it's just that I have found it a bit easier than most to let go I suppose.


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 6:59 pm 
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Hawleytastic!

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No, it doesn't come across as loveless, quite the opposite love. It's just me being a bit maudlin. xx


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 7:23 pm 
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Why no. I guess you just have to make the most of everything and take loads and liads of photos xxx


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 11, 2011 4:42 am 
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Whilst I have absolutely no concept of what it is like to be a parent, I can speak as a former child. It's the most marvellous thing, I think, to feel you are growing up & making your way in the world, with the love & support of your parents. I had a brilliant home & upbringing. The only baggage I carry is that I wasn't encouraged to get out & stand on my own two feet, mix with dodgy mates, make some silly mistakes. Too much cotton wool is not good. I played the drums as a teenager & was invited to a band practice with some other lads. I wasn't allowed to go.....

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PostPosted: Sat Jun 11, 2011 10:43 am 
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Hawleytastic!

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But you do stay up late for a lad of your age...


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 11, 2011 5:11 pm 
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It's no bad thing having mixed feelings. I'm sure you wouldn't want your lad pining for you while he's away or feeling too pleased yourself because he needs you less. Ive not really reached that stage yet with mine so don't know how it'll feel when boys come knocking at the door. I do know that Ive been quite happy watching the different stages without ever wanting to hang onto any. Same as Maggie really , i don't mean to sound callous, its just i was a bit clingy as a kid, as was my Mother with me and this is no criticism of my mum, she is the best, but when i became a mum i wanted my girl to be a bit more self reliant ( as is possible for a six year old). So no Helen not pathetic at all just normal (well fairly!)

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PostPosted: Sat Jun 11, 2011 6:54 pm 
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I always remember when my two were really little and one of my friends said 'Don't you dread the time coming when they go out drinking in the town' and I said 'No but I dread bumping in to them when I'm drunk'


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 11, 2011 8:28 pm 
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I just have one son, now 22, and it was so hard not to wrap him in cotton wool when he was growing up. My mum is not one for handing out advice, but the best bit she ever gave me was that you don't own your children; you just borrow them for a while. I have always tried to heed her words and let my son be his own person. I am so proud of the independent person he has become; free-spirited but with utmost concern and appreciation for friends and family. When he started high school, I just about managed to see him through the door before I cracked up. When he started uni, I held myself together until we left him behind in his room. When he got his English degree from York I was so proud. When he then decided to change direction and study medicine I though he was barking mad but kept my opinion to myself. He somehow got a place at graduate med school starting in September and I am glad I kept my thoughts to myself; otherwise he might have listened to me and not followed his dream. Be there with a safety net. Wind them up and let them go ...... then they are happy to come back; not easy though!
Mine's currently wandering round California for three months and I haven't heard from him for a week ........ :*:

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PostPosted: Sat Jun 11, 2011 8:31 pm 
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Hawleytastic!
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loftyeric2 wrote:
The only baggage I carry is that I wasn't encouraged to get out & stand on my own two feet, mix with dodgy mates, make some silly mistakes.


Well you've more than made up for that one Matey! :*:

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PostPosted: Sat Jun 11, 2011 11:46 pm 
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eeeh letting go of the apron strings....my little girl wanted to go into Leeds with three of her mates today, I said no way Jose and she sulked for a good hour. I'm sorry but at 12 she's just that bit too young.

I let her go to the cinema the other week, dropped her off at 7.30.
9.30 I rang her to see what time she wanted picking up, phone switched off, still switched off at 9.45, 10, 10.15 by which time I was frantic. leapt in the car, raced down to cineworld, ran in, asked one of the staff which screen water for elephants was in, started running towards it, the manager stopped me and asked what I was doing, I told him I was going to make sure my 12 year old daughter in the cinema, he told me I wouldn't be able to see her even if I barged into the cinema because it was in darkness, I screeched 'well turn the lights on then!'
He told me to sit down, calm down and that the screening finished at 10:45

Sure enough quarter to 11 she strolls into the foyer, ' Oh hi mum!'
Turns out they'd gone into the cinema, missed the start of the showing they wanted so decided to go to Nandos for chips first and go to the 8:30 one, of course she didn't think to divulge this information to me.
so she got a bawling out in the foyer of cineworld in front of all her mates, cue much eye rolling and more sulking on the car journey home......


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