Richard Hawley

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PostPosted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 2:20 am 
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Location: Beside the big aeroplane.
:pale: bleurgh :?

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PostPosted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 2:28 am 
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loftyeric2 wrote:
:pale: bleurgh :?

indeed!


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PostPosted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 2:36 am 
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...''What did you do at the weekend?''...''Well, I went on the internet & talked about shit......'' :roll:

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PostPosted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 2:39 am 
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loftyeric2 wrote:
...''What did you do at the weekend?''...''Well, I went on the internet & talked about shit......'' :roll:


i don't need to go on t'internet to do that, some may say :oops:


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PostPosted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 12:57 pm 
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Dave wrote:
Well have you? :?



no........not since infancy

there.....that clears that one up

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PostPosted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 1:15 pm 
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Richard Hawley wrote:
Dave wrote:
Well have you? :?



no........not since infancy

there.....that clears that one up


Hopefully, not with a croissant. :wink:


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PostPosted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 3:01 pm 
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I was proud to say that i haven't since nappies but since reading this thread i'm not so sure...

Had a close call once. Was in Egypt and obviously was drinking only bottled, not tap, water. However in the sense of hygene i was brushing my teeth every day. What do you do to your toothbrush before you put the toothpaste on? You run it under to cold tap!!!!

I had to run from the swimming pool across the courtyard and through my room (attempting not to slip and brain myself on the marble floor) to the bathroom. I only just made it!!!!!

I used bottled water to brush my teeth for the remaining 2 weeks :D

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PostPosted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 10:58 pm 
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my bowels are a seperate entity to my body with a mind of their own, especially when i go out walking. i was checking into a hotel in scotland once and the porter was showing us around when i felt the the need to let off a bit of steam. unfortunately, i also dropped a little shopping off too. now what do you do when someone is directing you to your room and showing you around? i kept my back to the wall and got him out as quick as possible, ran to the loo and threw my undies out the window onto the roof of the hotel next door. could still be there or a bird is using them as a nest.

second time was in ullapool. my son was about 8. we went to ge ta chinese and i could feel a chuff coming on again. i wanted to make him laugh and do it really loud so i chuffed with some gusto. cue a deposit in the trolleys again and the laugh was on me. i had to stay in the chinese until the meal came and walk all the way back to the cottage. or should i say, penguin walk.

when walking, i've been caught short so many times. the record is 8 times on one mountain after a night on the ale and port and tomato sauce. the best was on whernside when i couldn't find anywhere to go. i finally found a spot that i thought was miles away from the hundreds of people around. pants down and chocs away. i heard a rumbling sound above me and looked up to see the settle to carlise train slowly rolling past me, passengers looking agahst at this idiot, crapping next to the line whilst squatting in a dead sheep. didn't i mention the sheep? in my desperation to find a spot, i didn't notice the rotting carcass at my feet.

last one. on ben nevis, coming down, desperate again. could see the toilet in the distance but knew i wouldn't make it. scarpered off the path, keks off just in time but i squat on a bloody thistle. stinging ring.

the life and craps of mph.

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PostPosted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 11:01 pm 
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:*: :*: :*:

I'm starting to feel left out - I might have to lie about it happening to me!


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 15, 2009 3:10 am 
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mph - that just made me laugh out loud :*: Do you carry a six pack of bog roll for 'safety' purposes?

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PostPosted: Sun Nov 15, 2009 9:35 am 
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mph - I was on that train :wink: :*:


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 15, 2009 1:50 pm 
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maggie wrote:
:*: :*: :*:

I'm starting to feel left out - I might have to lie about it happening to me!


dear god noooo tell the truth...............this is an horrific thread but rather amusing

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PostPosted: Sun Nov 15, 2009 2:27 pm 
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What is the ettiquette in these situations. Do you scoop it out and carry on as if nothing has happened? Or do you go home, flush your chuds down the clacker and disinfect yourself for 5 hours??

....at 13, I made the mistake of flushing away the evidence only to cause a drain blockage about 6 months later......not good! :shock:

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PostPosted: Sun Nov 15, 2009 3:25 pm 
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I went into the bogs at work one morning years back to find a rather large colleague called John sat in a sink of cold water with his kecks around his ankles, and a bright red face. He had taken a dump, and it was one of those where the turd hitting the water causes a splash which shoots up your ringpiece before it has had time to close properly. In this case the water was full of bleach, and he was in screaming agony.

:shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:

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PostPosted: Sun Nov 15, 2009 3:45 pm 
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That is quite unfortunate, but made me smile am i a bad person?

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