Richard Hawley wrote:
i am finding life very very hard at the moment,i try to keep busy but i keep getting bleaked out by it all,so so fucking sad.
I privately told you about my situation, which I won't repeat. But I have followed the tributes people have made to your friend and it is desperately sad.
Grief makes it hard to sleep but you are so tired. In my bleakest times, in the wee small hours and all that, I wrote in a notebook exactly how I was feeling – mad, scary, irrational thoughts and all – never reading what I'd written the time before, until I felt better enough not to have to write any more. Then I hid it in a box in my loft.
I come across it every now and again when I'm having a clear out, but I've never read it. And one of these days, I'll bin it, maybe today, eh.
Never been one for diaries, but the process of putting my worst fears down on paper was really helpful for me – councillors tell you to write letters to people and then throw them away but my friend would've just thought that was poncy shit and laughed at me, so this sufficed.
It's one of those times where people say things to you that you think are clichéd, like "Time is a great healer." But is one of the truest things anyone has ever said to me. It's only the passage of time, feeling a bit better each day and sometimes not, that gets you to a time where you don't wake up with dread in your heart.
So sorry for you darling and all your friends and his family. Hope the bleakness will start to lift soon. xxx